birthday

Advice and Coping Skills To Manage Your Child’s Anxiety at Birthday Parties

As a mom of 3 kids, I have been to MANY birthday parties!  We buy the perfect gift and make sure that our kids are adorably dressed. Off we go to what should be an hour and a half of pure fun! We watch the kids run and greet each other, laughing and giggling, excited to be with their friends.  But as many of us know, there are always a few kids that aren’t behaving the same as the other children.  They cling to their mom’s hand, crying on the sidelines, refusing to participate in the festivities with the rest of the children. As the parents are dealing with their hysterical child, they can’t help but think, Why is it always MY child?  Is everyone staring at us? 

 

Here is what you need to know….you are NOT alone!  Even though it feels like you are the only one, there are many parents grappling with similar situations.

 

Here are some important tips that can be very helpful!


•  Respect that your child is uncomfortable.  Pressuring a child to perform in a social situation is unlikely to make the situation better. It will usually make it considerably worse!

kid's anxiety

•  Loud noises, crowded spaces, and new environments, can be intimidating to ANY child. These can be even worse for a child who has anxiety or sensory issues.  Bring the child to a part of the room that is less crowded and a little calmer.

•  Worry about YOUR own child, not what your friend’s children are doing.  Each child develops differently and reacts different in social situations.

•  Kids have different interests.  Children with anxiety may be nervous that they cannot do what the other kids are doing. Maybe they aren’t as comfortable with sports or don’t know how to dance like the other girls.  This may make them feel inferior to their peers.   Understand that a kid who loves science may not love going to a hockey party because they aren’t as confident in that area.

•  Have realistic expectations.  Not every kid is born a “Social Butterfly.”  Sometimes it just takes kids longer to come into their own. Be patient!

•  Give your child some Relaxing Techniques.  Try a game to distract them.  One of my favorites is The Candy Game. Start with the number one and take turns with them.  For example, One gummy bear, two Hershey kisses, 3 lollipops, etc… This type of game keeps their mind off of the anxiety and on to something else.  It refocuses their thoughts and allows them to relax.

•  Don’t make a scene by yelling and punishing your son or daughter because they aren’t participating like the rest of the kids at the party.  This can be very harmful and embarrassing to them.  Your child needs encouragement and support from you.   ·

•  Focus on the positive! Find something that they enjoy about the party. Maybe they’ll see a friend from school or experience a new activity that they have been wanting to try.  If all else fails… the goodie bag is always something that kids look forward to!

•  When planning your own child’s party, take into consideration what THEY want.  Just because you want to throw a big bash and invite all of YOUR nearest and dearest, doesn’t mean that this is what your child would want.  Don’t lose track of what’s most important- Celebrating a special day!  Sometimes an intimate gathering with their close friends is what will make your child most comfortable.

•  When you have exhausted your energy and patience, speak to a professional who can help you handle the situation.  It will help you be a better mom and give you the tools that you need to make the next situation more manageable.

 

Moms, here is what you need to remember.  Anxiety is a normal part of childhood that every child will experience at one point or another. Realizing that your child has a genuine fear is so important.  Let your child know that you are always there for them!

 

Oh… and a little shout out to the mom’s out there whose children run into parties laughing and giggling without a care in the world…Here’s a tip for you… DON’T give the mom with “that kid” the sad puppy-dog face or the “I Feel So Bad For You” speech. Don’t talk about her to 3 of your friends when she isn’t looking.  Be Kind! Remember this: What’s not on your plate today, might be on it tomorrow!

 

Guest Post by Stefanie Weiss (Mental Health Consultant- specializing in children with Anxiety, OCD, ADHD, PANDAS and other related disorders)

Follow her on Twitter- @askstefanie  and LIKE the Ask Stefanie page on Facebook

photo credit: © Bosakanna | Stock Free Images & Dreamstime Stock Photos

Posted by momstown guest on 02/20/2013 - 16:59
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Virtual birthday card: Wish momstown a Happy 5th Birthday!

We're celebrating momstown's 5th birthday all over the country this month! We're thrilled to have seen so many of our members and readers celebrating momstown's 5th year of business in person - but we know there are so many more who want to connect with us, and we'd love to hear from you!

 

momstown 5th birthday

 

So here's your chance - wish us a Happy Birthday in the comments below. We'd love to hear why you love momstown as much as we do. We think she's grown up pretty well so far and we know she's got lots of exciting things ahead.

 

One lucky commenter will be picked to win a FREE momstown membership! We'll close comments on September 1st, 2012 and announce the winner. Thanks for stopping by!

Posted by momstown team on 08/24/2012 - 12:02
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12 Easy Birthday Traditions to Start with Your Family

August for momstown means birthday celebrations filled with things like parachute play, balloons, cake, bouncy castles, and loot bags.  These elements have become traditions for the members of our momstown family. Family traditions are important. Of course they are fun, but their value goes beyond the entertainment they provide. They work to create and maintain bonds amongst family members, foster a sense of belonging within the family, and help to give each family its own unique identity.

The same is true for traditions within our own immediate families.  In my family, for example, I remember coming down for breakfast on the morning of my birthday to find my place at the table piled with gifts. A birthday also meant dinner at a restaurant of the birthday child's choice - with no complaining by anyone else about the pick - and always one of my mom's famous homemade cakes.   

 

Here are 12 suggestions for easy birthday traditions that you can start with your family:
 

1. Birthday breakfast: Candles don't just need to be for cake.  Serve the birthday child a stack of pancakes or a muffin with a candle in the centre.  This is a fun way to start the day, and also provides another opportunity for families to connect when busy schedules might make a celebration later in the day difficult.

2. Birthday letter: Write a letter to your child each year on their birthday.  Describe the qualities they have developed that make you proud, funny or favourite memories of the year, likes or dislikes of the child, milestones they have accomplished, or anything else that you would like to include.  The things you write in your letter may seem obvious now, but in 15 years it is a lot of fun to be able to peek back at your 8 year old self.

3. Birthday tablecloth: buy an inexpensive white tablecloth for each child.  On a child's birthday, bring that tablecloth out, and trace the birthday child's handprint onto it with fabric markers or Sharpies.  Encourage family members and party guests to write birthday greetings on the tablecloth as well.

4. Handmade gifts: Why not try to make one gift for your child each year.  One of my favourite birthday gifts as a child was the dollhouse my dad made for me. You don't need to be especially crafty either: it could be as simple as a painted picture frame or mug.

 



5. Tie a bouquet of balloons to the chair of the birthday child.

6. Birthday books: Instead of buying a birthday card, buy the birthday child a book and write your birthday message inside the cover. You will help build his or her library, reduce waste, and there will be a more permanent record of your greetings.  Alternately, read the same book with your child on their birthday every year.

7. Make a homemade cake with your child, and let him or her help decorate it.  Make sure you take pictures!

 

 

8. Birthday song: Choose a song that was popular around the time that your child was born, and use it wake him or her up every year on his or her birthday.

9.  Birthday balloons: Fill balloons with one dollar for each year of the child's age, and get ready for balloon popping fun.

10. Take a picture of your child each year in the same place or with the same thing.  If desired, have them hold up a sign with their age, or with what they would like to be when they grow up.

11. Front page birthday: Interview your child each year on his or her birthday.  Ask questions about favourite foods, favourite activities, thoughts on their age, and anything else that suits your family.

12. Give back: Encourage giving back and giving to others by making birthdays about giving as well as getting.  From a donation in the child's name to a charity of her choice to bringing cake to the neighbours, there are many ways to incorporate kindness towards others into a birthday celebration.

And because we couldn't resist, here is a bonus tradition. Change your ringtone (or your child's ringtone) to "Happy Birthday" for the day. 

What birthday traditions does your family have?

Posted by momstown team on 08/17/2012 - 16:28
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Leaving your child at a Birthday Party for the first time?

birthday party princessBetween the age of 3 and 6 the question arises: Is the family invited to this birthday party or is it just kids?

 

Leaving a child at a Birthday Party is a milestone, and one that’s overlooked until it sneaks up and it’s HERE. Where you sit in your car outside the birthday party unsure of what to do and what your role is? Are you invited or just your kid? If you stay are you an inconvenience? What if I leave and she misses me? Or something happens in a house she’s unfamiliar? What if they say to go but really the host needs the help? What if….???

 

Deep Breath. You can leave your child and you should.  It’s a rite of passage for both of you.


Here are some tips to make the Solo Birthday Party Milestone a little easier on you (or both of you!!):

 

Call ahead
By reaching out in advance you know what to plan for,  gives you a quiet moment to chat with the host parent to get comfortable about the game plan and address any potential issues. For example, my child has a nut allergy, and by calling ahead I can let the parents know that  detail so they can put the peanut butter chocolate cake idea on hold. The busy front door of a party is not the place to translate important messages.

Nerves…
Does it freak you out to drop a child at a home you don’t know? This will be become a reality once preschool or kindergarten starts. Face it head on and get to know that family. Prior to the birthday party, invite that child (and her mom?) over for playdate to get to know the child and begin to get to know the family. You’ll feel better and you’ll calmly be able to let your child go at the party (promise, you can do this!).

 

Water & Feed your child before
Drop off a kid with a mostly full tummy to keep him even keeled, in good humour and happier.  That way if he’s distracted by the general merriment  and forgets to eat he’s less likely to crash. Also, take your child to the bathroom at the beginning of the party, show them where the bathroom is so he can find it quickly should the need call.

 

Prep your kid
If it’s your child’s first birthday party, go over the routine with your child. This is not a one-on-one playdate and they don’t have full reign of their playmate’s house today. Rules exist on party day that may not be there other play days – help him navigate those ‘rules’ ahead of time.

 

Bring your number
Want to be reachable? Bring a note with your phone numbers on it so you can reached (remember your cell if you are going to take those 2 precious hours to run errands). Hosts are so bombarded at the front door, even the most well-intentioned will forget to get a list of numbers from parents the day of the party. Make it easy and leave yours.

 

Say goodbye & GO!
If you want to linger with other parents, do it on the driveway! Don’t confuse your kid by kissing goodbye then hanging around forever. Also don’t mess with the schedule your host has set – likely she has laid out the 2 hours into party increments and the longer she has to politely talk to you at the front door the more drawn out the party will be at the end.

This applies for pick-up too. Have you seen a host parent at the end of a birthday party? She is exhausted. She wants the noise and sugar high kids out of her house now, so be polite and skedaddle!

 

Don’t dress kids in their finest
I’m as bad as the next mom who saves the fussy (and expensive!) clothes for “good”. A birthday party shouldn’t be considered “good”. Solo partiers are on their own to protect that “good “ Gymboree outfit from brilliant blue mermaid icing - the birthday parents are way too busy wiping up spilled apple juice  to notice impending drippy icing or strawberry stains.  Go second best on party days.

 

Make it Fun!
Birthdays are fun and memorable  childhood experiences – enjoy them! Enjoy picking out a gift with your child and making a card for the birthday child.  Have fun hosting one for your own for your child because now that you’ve entered the birthday party circuit (momstown has tips to help there too!) your kid will ask for a party too!


What age are you comfortable with leaving your child at a Birthday Party? How have you handled the drop-off party?

Posted by momstown mama on 07/30/2011 - 15:44
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Happy Birthday Little One

Ahhhh... the first birthday. It is so complicated and bittersweet.

 

As the mama, I'm so proud of this child and his mini accomplishments and who he's becoming but also so heartbroken that a baby-year has slipped through my fingers.

How cliche - but really, where does a year go? One minute I was wishing for the baby to finally arrive (after 42 weeks!) and then a year passes in a nano-second.

The Cake. That's a big moment too -- the first real taste of sugar... combined with being the star of the show... watching to see if they will be a messy digger-in'er or a delicate icing licker.  My son's 1st was just yesterday... sigh)
momstown knows how precious birthdays are and we're beginning a new group of events called the Birthday Club! Watch your local momstown.ca calendar for the monthly birthday event ~ for all momstown kids but extra special for these very first celebrations!



Posted by momstown mama on 11/25/2008 - 21:47
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