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Last week social and traditional media were abuzz based on a rather unusual cover photo of a beautiful mother with a breastfeeding preschooler standing, latched onto her breast with the caption “Are you Mom Enough?”.
Insinuating there are 2 sides. Moms who do THIS. And Moms who DON’T. And if you DON’T then you must not be Mom Enough.
Not Good Enough. Not Committed Enough. Not Smart Enough. Not Available Enough. Don’t Love your child Enough. You’re not Supermom Enough.
Ugh. It’s just such an invisible and unattainable goal, why would a mom even try?
This irked us momstown moms. Not just the unusual breastfeeding shot, because really, this is not even about extended breastfeeding. It’s about judgement. And defining what is “Enough”.
In an era of supposed open-minded support, why are moms are still stuck on this carousel of judgement and comparison!? It’s simply a ridiculous notion that moms all need to be a combination of 1950s housewife + Attachment Parenting Hipster + Early Educator + Liberated career woman in order to be “Enough” of a “supermom”.
One momstown member wrote a smart explanation on the momstown message board of why the picture and ugly online dialogue infuriated her.
“How blessed are we to live in the Western world where this is one of the most epic battles our society of women engages in? Rights? Got ‘em (mostly) Careers? Got ‘em (if we want) Equality - we're getting pretty close. Breastfeeding? Everyone freak out and scream at each other!!! It's exhausting and annoying that people have to go insane over something that is simply a choice we are all free to make, however we choose to make it.”
That’s just it. We’re so darn lucky in North American to have the blessing of options that moms get stuck in cruel debate about personal CHOICE. About topics that really only matter to the mother and her family. Why do we all stick our noses into other people’s business and make declarations about what’s right and wrong for HER? Forget about "her", life is about our family and our choices.
All moms know their children best. And makes us ALL more than enough.
I am a Mom. So are you. We try hard and we love our kids with overwhelming energy which makes us SUPER moms. Enough said.
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 20:06 I apologize for all the horrific misspellings in my post below. I'm not as adept typing on my iPad.
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 20:02 To go with celeste above. Not everyone does have a choice. Breast feeding is not a viable option for many women (think back just 150 years ago - there was a reason there were wet nurses around!). As long as an infant attains the nutrion he/she needs to be healthy, does it matter how? I know not all moms who breast feed are smug about it. But for those who are, here is an interesting fact for you. Sweden has the highest breast feeding rate of all the developed nations. And yet they have just scaled back their breast feeding recommendations to no longer than 6 mts. Why? Because of the high levels of toxins being found in breast milk that is being passed along to infants. In the very near future this jus may be a moot debate as formula becomes safer than breastmilk for babies.
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 19:45 I haven't stopped breastfeeding since my oldest daughter was born in 2007. She weaned herself at 3 years old, my son who is currently 3 still nurses every now and then and I have a very happy 18 month old who loves to nurse still. I let them wean when they're ready. It isn't being a super mom...I'm being a mom who was blessed to be able to have such an experience. My heart aches for all the other women who weren't able to. You ladies are amazing for doing what's best for you baby!!!
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 19:07 True that not all North American mothers have full choices in all aspects, but we do all live in a free country, enjoy safe living conditions and more choices than many mothers in other countries. Thanks for your comment!
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 17:13 More than anything with this cover I was fired up by the 'Are You Mom Enough?' tagline! We are all MOM ENOUGH no matter what our choices are - We're MOM ENOUGH for our own families and no matter how we choose to parent our children including breastfeeding or bottle feeding or ... we should support all mothers in their decisions. I am an extended BFing mom, 3.5 years with my first and still BFing my 32 month old however I would never talk down to any mother that doesn't BF. It's a matter of choice - you need to choose what is right for your family. TIME magazine did exactly what they intended - got people fired up about THEIR magazine and talking about THEIR magazine. Will it boost their sales? Maybe. Free advertising by having all of us talk about it - definitely. All that aside the article about attachment parenting is well written and a choice for some parents, not all, and certainly gives some insight into how some parents choose to raise their children.
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 14:19 I wish it were true that North American mothers were all so blessed to have choices and option as have been outlined here. This seems to pertain specifically to the more elite class of moms engaged in these 'mommy wars.' Sadly, this is a relatively small population of North America. I wouldn't generalize how blessed we ALL are in terms of career choices, rights and equality. That aside, it is an interesting article (both this blog, and the Time magazine) and has been great food for thought and discussion.
Tue, 05/15/2012 - 13:03 You know what else gets me fired up?!!! And man am I fired up! The notion that breast/bottle is an OPTION and a DECISION. Some times this is simply not the case!! For example, I tried and tried and did everything humanly possible to breastfeed my first child. I took Fenugreek/Blessed Thistle, Domperidone, slept half-naked with my son (to stimulate production), pumped, tube-fed...you name it, I tried it! But in the end, breastfeeding did not work out for me with my first son and my choice was this: try to continue to breastfeed and possibly dehydrate my child who was not thriving or go ahead and give him formula. This was not a CHOICE...this was about survival - it was a MUST. So bottle-feeding isn't always a "choice" that parents make, it's survival for their infant. And I am sick and tired of breastfeeding mothers talking down to or about formula-feeding mothers (NOTE: I currently breastfeed my second son...I am LUCKY to be able to do it this time so I have lived both sides). We mothers should support each other instead of competing against each other and comparing as to who the better parent is. We are all trying to do what is best for our babies and children and that makes us MOM ENOUGH.