Every year, I have struggled with this holiday. For obvious reasons.
I have so many things to be thankful for...I know that for sure, but the truth is that Zack is still gone and with each year the pain doesn't lessen.
I find myself struggling with an immense sadness to really let my heart feel grateful.
It's helpful for me to write these down and share them with you. I've really giving thought to the many blessings that I have in my life.
While they can never erase the pain of losing Zack, they still deserve to be celebrated.
I'm thankful for Ty. Ty was my first miracle. The one that taught me that I was meant to be a mom. He still makes me proud everyday, of the sweet, sensitive boy he is and the amazing, caring man I know he will become.
I'm so thankful for Jayden. While Jayden can test me with his crazy moods and attitude, he is the silliest and funniest kid that I know. When I need a laugh, he is there for me. When I need to be someone's favourite girl....he lets me know that I'm his, forever.
I'm thankful everyday for being Zack's mom. When Zack was born, it brought out a strength in me that I never knew I had. I still have that (most days). I'm grateful to have known such joy in my life- while there has been immense pain, the joy is what I hope I will always remember.
I'm thankful for memories and for all the photos that document our life.
I'm thankful that I have a husband that is sensitive, caring and loving. One that will cry with me when we are alone and one that is strong for me when I need him to be. Through the many challenges we have had over the last few years....we still choose each other. I wouldn't want to live this life with anyone but himl.
I'm thankful for family time, vacation adventure, movie night, field trips and snuggles.
I'm thankful for chocolate and wine.
I'm thankful for the quiet times alone, when I can cry and be free to mourn.
I'm thankful for my parents. For all the tests that they have both had to their health, they are the strongest people that I know. They work hard at everything that they do, including being great supporters, grandparents and parents. They are generous and caring and I know that is where I get my sense of giving.
I'm thankful for my sister. Proud of all she has accomplished and of the women she is. I'm grateful that I can now call her my best friend.
I'm thankful to have two amazing best friends. I couldn't live this life without their support. Crying, laughing, borrowing clothes, fundraising, carpooling and pool parties...we've done it all....together.
I'm thankful to have our beautiful home on a street that surrounds us with neighbours and friends, not only for me but for our boys.
I'm thankful for the energy to give back and create not only Zack's Dream Room, but help York Central and support the pediatric patients and their parents.
I'm thankful to SickKids for not only allowing us to have 3 years with Zack, but for being gentle, caring and respectful in our last few days with him.
I'm thankful to be healthier, to have lost some weight and gained some confidence.
I'm thankful for little Roxy, our dog, who loves me like no one else. The way she greets me and searches to find me at all times, is one of the greatest gifts. We are so blessed to have her and to have this new life in our home.
I'm thankful for friends and family who have helped us all get through the last almost 3 years and even more, since Zackie was born. For someone who had always found it difficult to ask for help, I found myself needed it. Whenever I reached out- someone was there. I'm grateful for that.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to work from home for momstown. To contribute to our team, provide and share content moms will appreciate and most of all for the new friends I have made here.
I'm thankful that Zackie will always have a place at our Thanksgiving table and in our hearts and memories.
What are YOU Thankful for?