Yes, you ARE Mom Enough

Last week social and traditional media were abuzz based on a rather unusual cover photo of a beautiful mother with a breastfeeding preschooler standing, latched onto her breast with the caption “Are you Mom Enough?”.

 

mom enough


Insinuating there are 2 sides. Moms who do THIS. And Moms who DON’T.  And if you DON’T then you must not be Mom Enough.


Not Good Enough. Not Committed Enough. Not Smart Enough. Not Available Enough. Don’t Love your child Enough. You’re not Supermom Enough.


Ugh. It’s just such an invisible  and unattainable goal, why would a mom even try?


This irked us momstown moms. Not just the unusual breastfeeding shot, because really, this is not even about extended breastfeeding. It’s about judgement. And defining what is “Enough”.


In an era of supposed open-minded support, why are moms are still stuck on this carousel of judgement and comparison!? It’s simply a ridiculous notion that moms all need to be a combination of 1950s housewife + Attachment Parenting Hipster + Early Educator + Liberated career woman in order to be “Enough” of a “supermom”.


One momstown member wrote a smart explanation on the momstown message board of why the picture and ugly online dialogue infuriated her.


“How blessed are we to live in the Western world where this is one of the most epic battles our society of women engages in? Rights? Got ‘em (mostly) Careers? Got ‘em (if we want) Equality - we're getting pretty close. Breastfeeding? Everyone freak out and scream at each other!!! It's exhausting and annoying that people have to go insane over something that is simply a choice we are all free to make, however we choose to make it.”


That’s just it. We’re so darn lucky in North American to have the blessing of options that moms get stuck in cruel debate about personal CHOICE. About topics that really only matter to the mother and her family. Why do we all stick our noses into other people’s business and make declarations about what’s right and wrong for HER? Forget about "her", life is about our family and our choices.


All moms know their children best.  And makes us ALL more than enough.


I am a Mom. So are you. We try hard and we love our kids with overwhelming energy which makes us SUPER moms. Enough said.

 

Posted by momstown mama on 05/14/2012 - 20:52
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Fisher Price Real Mom Moment - Introducing our May winner

fisher price joy of learning

Each month, Fisher-Price recognizes an every-day mom, nominated by her peers, with the Real Mom Moment award. It's their way of  honouring the moments that make motherhood so special. This month, we honour Suzanne from momstown Milton. She is thrilled to be receiving this honour and will be enjoying the Fisher-Price Kid-Tough digital camera with her daughter.

 

Fisher price real mom moment

Suzanne is a mother of two, a mompreneur and has a part time job. Despite her full schedule, she always makes time for others and is very generous when it comes to offering a helping hand. She is one of the first to volunteer to set up or tidy up at momstown Milton's big events. She also makes it a point to connect with each mama she meets. She is friendly, knowledgeable and is always willing to share her expertise on natural, organic products that she loves. Her love of children and her passion for momstown shines through in all that she does for the momstown Milton chapter!

 

momstown moments chatted with Suzanne about her experiences with motherhood. She had lots to share with us.

 

MM: What did you find to be the biggest change to your life when you had your first child?
 

Suzanne: I think it was that everything changed.  I knew that I would be lacking in sleep and that I had no idea what to expect, but I don't think I was prepared for having to slot in time to go pee while the baby was down to nap, or that it would be harder at about 9 months when the baby knew what their bed looked like and no longer would nap anywhere.  Then the day was broken up into pre-nap-time-excursions, post-nap-excursions and post-bed-time etc.! 
 
MM: What has surprised you the most about motherhood?
 

Suzanne: You always hear the cliche " I didn't know I could love someone, that I just met, so much" but it is true.   It is a strange thing that happens to you after you give birth. I would die for my children.
 

MM: Can you tell us about one of your favourite moments with your children so far?


Suzanne: A single moment that sticks out was when I was sooo tired and about to put my son down for the night.  I was mentally begging him to go to sleep quickly-sad, but it was the exhausted me and true-I was rocking him in my arms in front of his crib, he closed his eyes (mentally relieved) and then opened them looked at me smiled blew a raspberry and was smiling to himself all the way to sleep.  It took everything in my power not to laugh hysterically and wake him back up-so FUNNY!

 

MM: What are you most looking forward to with your family as your children grow older?


Suzanne: We are enjoying the evolution of their play, their skills and making friends.  We look forward since we are now free of naps and diapers to doing more fun day excursions and making memorable traditions like picnics at the local park, dinners with family, movie nights etc.
 
 

MM: What advice would you give to a woman who is about to become a mother?


Suzanne: It's so hard to give advice since most people need to experience things on their own and all children are different.  The first thing I would mention is that since all children are different don't get too caught up in the "bell curve mentality" it's just a guideline.  Be firm, strong and fair when disciplining children they are looking for what is and isn't appropriate and what their boundaries are-they will revisit them so don't be shocked when you think you're out of a phase and find yourself back there 3 months later; it's normal. 

 

Have 3 sets of linens.  This one seems weird but you want to make sure you have 3 x diaper pad covers, 3 x mattress covers and 3 x blankets.  When they are sick in the middle of the night you want to make sure you have one on the bed, one to put on and a back up in case they are sick again.  

 

Everyone's going to have an opinion, listen to their wisdom take away what you think jives with your values and let the rest go.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  The last thing I would say is that it really does go by fast, when you're tired and not sure what to do it seems endless but in a blink of an eye they will be walking, talking, talking back :) , and going to school.  Treasure every moment you can. 

 

And the most important thing, if someone offers help-take it.  They wouldn't offer if they didn't want to!

 

fisher price kid tough cameraWe thank Suzanne for her story - and hope she and her children capture lots of memories with the Kid-Tough Digital Camera!


Want to nominate a mom in your momstown community? Email us and tell us about her Fisher Price Real Mom Moment - she might just be our next winner!

Posted by admin on 05/14/2012 - 17:10
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Mother's Day Thanks from our readers

momstown's spent the last six weeks thanking our moms for everything they've done for us, and continue to do. And we've loved hearing our readers' comments and memories throughout.

 

Here are some of the highlights that stood out for us:

 

mothers day music

Memories of Music
by Corrie
My mom raised myself and 3 siblings, while putting herself through nursing school. Ever since I can remember, we were enjoying the gift of music. Finances were tight, but my mom found the time and money to pay for piano lessons. We didn't have one of our own, but right next door at my grandma's house was a beautiful piano to practice on.



literacy mothers dayLessons of Literacy
by Crystal
My mom swears I could read a book before I could walk; my reponse is always "I guess you were a good teacher"! I still love to read & I knew when I had kids, I wanted to teach them how important & fun reading can be. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I used to read "baby the places you'll go" by Dr. Seuss.




nutrition mothers dayNutrition made fun
by Krystene
I love cooking with my mom, from when I was a small little girl to now. I love cooking for her, with her and I love learning her recipes. When I was small we would always bake/cook together. My mom always made dinner and we would all sit down to eat as a family. I remember helping her with the cakes and licking the bowl or helping her make the icing or making sure the smarties got on the cake just right.



momstown fitness and adventureFitness as a family
by Sarah
My mom always encouraged us to do active things. She encouraged us to sign up for sports activities with the caveat that there was no quitting part way through the year. I was in soccer, gymnastics, bowling, and basketball at different times. We were most often outside playing for hours and hours. We went for bike rides as a family.



momstown science and discoveryScience & Discovery
by Melissa
My mom had us outside as much as she could when we were kids. Growing up on a farm, there was always so much to discover. She would take us back to our bush and let us explore. My brother and I made forts, found plants and made friends with animals. My memories of this are pure magic. She does the same thing with my kids.


momstown play and socialThe Importance of Play
by Tara
Too true, what we remember as kids is the real, unadulterated play time. I strive every day to offer the same freedom for my children, but it is (and has to be) a conscious effort most days. Thank goodness for the mums like the one described in this blog. I smiled. I reminisced. I vowed to continue to encourage my kids to play. Thank you!

 

 

 

Thanks to all the wonderful moms out there - and Happy Mother's Day!

Posted by momstown team on 05/10/2012 - 11:44
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Mother's Day - What I Don't Want

Julie mother's day

Mother’s Day is around the corner and everyone is asking the moms what we want. I’m a simple gal and not particularly high maintenance in the gifts department. I don’t want flowers or jewelry for Mother’s Day or any other occasion really.

In fact, my perfect Mother’s Day gift would be doing without some things. For example, there are certain comments made by the general public that we mamas could do without. Mamas of biggie-sized families prefer not to be asked if we own a TV or suggestions that we should take up a hobby. Contrary to popular belief, we are not actually spending the majority of our time participating in baby-making activities. Another classic one – when I go out alone in the evening, I’d like people to stop asking who is taking care of the kids. There is this guy in their lives called their “father”. And no, he’s not “babysitting”. I checked in with Daddy-o and he has never been asked this question when out for the evening, yet I hear it constantly.



As for the Daddy-o list of things we mamas could do without, I think these few simple requests will do:

1) I’d like all men who happen to get up before their sleeping partners to carry their socks and shoes downstairs to put them on. Read: do not sit on the side of the bed and make the mattress jerk around. Oh, and don’t turn on your electric toothbrush either, ‘kay? Thanks.

2) Don’t shop – allow me. On my second Mother’s Day, I had a 17-month-old and a 7-week-old, both with chickenpox. Without naming names, *someone* got up on that day and said he was going out for the morning to do some Mother’s Day shopping. Yeah, right. Just hand over the credit card and you watch the kids – I can do my own shopping, thanks.

3) Let me manage and prioritize the “honey-do” list. You know when you’re out there in the garden puttering around with one of your projects and I’ve got kids hanging around my neck as I’m trying to prepare for a dinner party for 20 guests? Yeah, that. Stop it. Put the hammer down and release the children from me.



What is your Mother’s Day wish list? Does it involve diamonds, breakfast in bed or crap-tastic crafts galore? What could you do with and without on your one day a year?

Posted by Julie mama of many on 05/09/2012 - 14:05
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Who needs milestones? or... you're never too young for boot camp

checklist My husband and I joke that the only milestone our 9-month old son has come close to hitting so far was his due date – arriving 5 weeks early, he exceeded our expectations, to say the least. I guess he figured since he’d gotten a head start at life, he would just take his sweet time from there on in. No 6-week smiles for us, he made us wait it out a grueling 11 weeks. Cooing at 2 months? No, thank you, just lots of crying and grunting (which my doctor said did not count as a ‘coo’) Rolling over at 4 months? Did it once at 6 months and never again. Sitting up at 6 months? Try 8. Crawling at 8 months? Still hates tummy time. I realize that Blake’s development is well within normal ranges; we enjoy him every day and are eternally grateful to have him. All we’re asking for is just a little more punctuality…



When you’re a new parent, and furiously reading baby books every spare second of the day, it’s sometimes tough to maintain perspective when a milestone time comes and goes and your baby hasn’t achieved it. A popular and well-respected new parent book lists milestones and skills by month of age, and is careful to indicate which are “shoulds” and which are “mays”, for example, “your baby should be able to… (sit/crawl/walk/balance a chequebook)” at a certain age. Each month, a repeated paragraph very kindly reassures parents that ‘each baby develops at his or her own rate, and your baby’s rate of development is normal for your baby’ (i.e. chill out if your kid isn’t doing any of these skills yet). We all know this, yet we all secretly want our babies to achieve, and maybe even overachieve just once in a while. Would it be too much to ask that one month, we could review the skills in the “may be able to” category and say “Check!” So far, no dice.



I think even tougher for new parents than looking at milestone charts, is the constant comparing that goes on among our friends with babies the same age as ours, all the while denying that we are doing it. I am lucky enough to have many close friends on maternity leave and with babies within a few months of each other. It’s a great network of support and socialization through sleepless nights and new parent worries. However, the inevitable comparisons begin: the 2-week old who slept through the night and never looked back, the 5-week old who smiles and laughs on command, the 6-month old who has been sitting for weeks and never seems to have the back-arch crashes that your 8-month old is still experiencing… Feigning excitement for your friend’s baby as he learns to crawl, as your child, a month older, happily watches from his newly acquired sitting position.  All the while telling ourselves, it’s okay, our baby is doing great, he’s healthy, happy, we’re so grateful to have him, and I’m sure he’ll sleep through the night by the time he leaves for university.

 

We are socialized to make comparisons and assess ourselves. Starting with report cards, through university or college exams, to performance reviews at work. We all want to be the ones who “exceed expectations” in human resources jargon, who put in the extra effort to be the superstar at work. So it’s natural that we transfer these desires onto our children to some extent.

 

One new mother who is a close friend of mine used the term “boot camp” as a tongue-in-cheek reference to encouraging her baby accomplish new skills. My husband and I immediately latched on to this clever idea and created a full program for our son. Blake has attended “sitting up” boot camp, “sleeping through the night” boot camp, and most recently “tummy time for more than 2 minutes” boot camp. I know, he’s 9 months old and still hates tummy time…? My sister’s little boy is not quite 3 months old but has already been through “sleeping in the crib” boot camp, “no more naps on daddy’s chest” boot camp, and “head control” boot camp. He’s doing really well, may advance to corporal next month… The reference to boot camp is made jokingly, but underlying is our instinct as parents to help, even push our kids achieve these ‘milestones’ which seem so important to us at the time.

 

Being a new parent, I lack the hindsight that I am sure I will have a few years’ time to look back and think: Wow, Owen crawled at 8 months, Blake was just getting good at sitting, and look, they’re both going into junior kindergarten – on their own two feet. It is then that we will look back and long for those days before these major milestones… when we could hold our babies in our arms without them squirming out, when we could know for sure when we put them down, they would be in the same place 30 seconds later, when the baby carrier nestled next to mom was their favourite place to be. Until then, it’s back to “gain some perspective” boot camp for new moms and dads.

 

This was originally written by momstown's Ally in 2005... she has gained a bit of perspective but finds new milestones for her first-born to stress over... like shoe tying, bike riding, and walking home from school alone!

Posted by momstown team on 05/08/2012 - 13:33
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20 Favourite Mother's Day Stories

Less than a week until Mother's Day and everyone is talking about the special day named in our honour. Over the years momstown has posted many articles perfect for Mother's Day and we'd love to invite you to relax and enjoy them all there. Happy Mother's Day!

 

mothers day 2009

 

Mother's Day Perspective

The Gift of Perspective for Mother's Day is a brilliant reminder how not to take ourselves too seriously. We tell our kids, "you get what you get and you don't get upset" and it's a good phrase to tell ourselves when we get a little too worked up about the small things.

 

Martha has left the Building is another post with a similar theme reminding us to be present with our kids, not projecting extensive expectations onto our time with them and for them. We don't need to be "perfect" mothers to be perfect mothers in our children's eyes. Taking time with our kids is often the best thing for us all.

 

I Am a Mom has received a ton of attention for the reality check the article provides. We are ALL mothers, regardless of choices, habits or behaviours. We are all trying our best to make the best decisions for our families and Mother's Day should be about celebrating those choices, not comparing or judging others.

 

mom 1977

Appreciate the Moments

We all hear "Enjoy the moments. They grow up too quickly". It's so hard to really do when the days can be SO long. The weeks and months fly by though and before we know it, these newborns do head off to kindergarten.

 

A Jog down memory lane in an MGB tells a tale of one mama realising how the little things really do stick in kid's memories. The sudden realization that her child is the age that she was when she made some of her own most cherished memories.

 

Mom Award Moments understands that not all moments are funny or enjoyable. Motherhood is a tough job and in the chaotic moments, it can be tough to "appreciate" the moment.

 

 

Thank-You Mom

This year momstown has been posting weekly thank-you posts about our own mothers and how their childhood influence has shaped us as adults.The key theme in each of these posts is persistence and encouragement from our moms. In turn, the love and support our moms gave us has made us better mothers.

Thank-you Mom for bringing Music to my Life

My Mom Created an Imaginative Reader

Discovering and Loving Nature in Algonquin

Creating a Water Lover 

How Mom Inspired my love of Cooking

Playing without a Plan -- this week's chance to WIN $100 in Chapters-Indigo gift cards!! Just share a comment on this blog to enter!

 

 

For A Recently Passed Mother

Are you there Mom? is a tearful conversation with one momstown mama with her recently departed mother, a good read for anyone missing their mom this time of year.

 

Mother's Day Strangers is an eye-opening piece about how many mothers go far too early and leave children motherless. It will make you think about reaching out to any child who faces such a tragedy.

 

You're a Mother from the moment you Conceive the Idea

Mother's Day can be particularly hard for women who have lost a child to miscarriage or stillbirth. It can feel like an unbareable holiday to women who are unable to conceive and trying every possible measure. We salute those moms as every women becomes a mother from the moment she decides she wants to become one. The moment she starts those prenatal vitamins or starts the adoption process, all women visualize themselves nurturing, teaching, and loving beautiful children.

 

The Pain of Miscarriage is a raw and emotional look at a 12 week miscarriage that happened almost 8 years ago and how it still haunts this mother.

 

How to Help a Friend with a loss of a preterm baby is a sad story of stillbirth with suggestions  on how to help our fellow mothers cope with such loss. Especially during Mother's Day, these friends need support and love from us all.

 

We all know women who have had countless bad luck with reoccuring miscarriage, I am still alive, documents the string of losses faced by one momstown mama and how she's coped. Mothers who have experienced this type of repetitive heartbreak really need us this Mother's Day.

 

A Mother's Day Gift for You

The Gift of Mental Health tells of the recent University of Waterloo Study that claims momstown is a prescription for Post-partum depression. What better Mother's Day gift is there than the gift of other moms + mental health??

 

From all of us at momstown, we wish all mothers of all stages a Happy Mother's Day! We wish you a day filled in anyway you wish - surrounded by loved ones or gifted with a private moment to yourself. Enjoy the day and ALL motherhood moments. 

 

Other Mother's Day posts, with a more practical suggestions:

5 Mother's Day Breakfast Ideas

10 Mother's Day Crafts

5 Homemade Flower Crafts for Mother's Day

Posted by momstown mama on 05/07/2012 - 09:45
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